


It Suits You

by MistyBeethoven



Series: Strange Couchfellows [15]
Category: John Wick (Movies)
Genre: Assassins & Hitmen, Bird Droppings, Birds, Black Comedy, Comedy, Gen, Laundromats, Laundry, Robin Lord Taylor character, Suits, Underwear, Vagrants, Watch out for the ending!, just kind of stupid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-16 19:30:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 679
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19324621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyBeethoven/pseuds/MistyBeethoven
Summary: John Wick and the Administrator go to the laundromat.





	It Suits You

**Author's Note:**

> The fifteenth in a time diverting and admittedly stupid series.
> 
> I am so sorry for the ending to this one! No matter how many times I put it in the washer it still came out black. :/

While walking down South Street with John Wick, not a wise idea when the man was an infamous assassin and you worked for the organization that had placed a multmillion dollar bounty on his head, the Administrator was privy to a scene he thought very few had ever witnessed: the sight of Wick being aimed at and successfully hit from a distance.

The culprit had wings, hit Wick on the top of his head and right shoulder of his suit and quickly had flown away from the scene of the crime, unidentified.

"You're lucky that was a bird or you would be dead," the pencil pusher commented.

"Gull or pigeon?" Wick asked, the white splatter on his expensive black suit looking like he was the victim of an irrate abstract artist.

"Gull."

"Figures," the assassin stated. "They carry better ammo."

* * *

The infamous hitman insisted they head on over to the nearest laundromat in an attempt to save his suit's jacket. He had paid a lot for it and didn't want to have to go and get another.

Dodging bullets while getting fitted was embarrassing; telling the tailor what had happened to the original jacket seemed worse.

The Administrator watched as Wick tried in vain to fit a gold coin into the machine. The bureaucrat went over placed his own change into it and fired the jacket inside.

"I feel like I'm forgetting something," Wick stated as the washer started to make an odd noise.

"You have bird poop on your head," the other man replied.

The assassin went to the Laundromat's washroom and returned several minutes later sans bird's dropping.

"I still feel like I'm forgetting something," John remarked uneasily.

"I put the detergent in," the Administrator said. He had been in charge of the laundry since Wick had been staying with him. He used to enjoy using the Tide Pods until the assassin's dog had started eating them all.

The High Table servant looked up at the taller man and finally asked a question that had troubled him for a long time. "What do you do with your underwear? I've never found a single pair in the hamper."

The hitman raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Underwear isn't disposable?"

"No," the Administrator scoffed.

"Why would you want to rewear it after it's been next to your genitals for a month?"

The pencil pusher was suddenly horrified. "A _month_? You've been wearing the same underwear for a _month_?"

"Would you think badly of me if I said yes?"

"Would I think badly of me if I said no?"

"Well when you're constantly running for your life," John Wick said thoughtfully. "You need to ask yourself one question: your life or clean underwear?"

The Administrator was confused if he would still _want_ to be alive if he was still wearing the same underwear for a month.

"When you're running for your life... when do you find time to use the washroom anyway?" the man in the glasses asked, curiosity getting the better of him

The only response given was a non-plussed glare. Apparently there were some things you were not allowed to ask, the shorter man thought.

The washer stopped making its horrible rumble and the Administrator pulled the jacket out from it. It was torn in several places. Both men looked at the jacket and then at each other. Wick put his head into the washing machine; when he came out, he was holding a gun.

"It was in my pocket," the hitman said remembering what he had forgotten.

* * *

Outside the laundromat, John Wick saw a long-haired homeless man with a beard in need of clothing. "Here," the assassin said as he handed the man the jacket.

The vagrant put it on and thanked him.

"That was very nice of you," the Administrator complimented as they continued walking down the street, heading back to the apartment.

Neither men heard a bullet fly through the air behind them, killing the homeless man as an assassin mistook him for John Wick.

"I know," the Baba Yaga said. "I like to help out."

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry poor nameless homeless man! When John gave you that jacket it seemed the only logical conclusion! Please forgive me!


End file.
